I have managed to figure out why most Malaysians whom studied abroad would come back immediately after their studies; they never managed to adapt or settle in to the place they were at...
Reason?
Simple...

Malay would stick with Malay...
Chinese will stick to Chinese (or people from China)...
Indian will stick to Indian (or those from India)...

Or the best, they would stick to only Malaysians...


There is nothing wrong with coming back to Malaysia...
It is just would be worthwhile to gain valuable experience before you come back to Malaysia...
No point you traveled half across the world only to stick with your own people, no point at all...

Most people move on by getting other people to fill in their empty void...
Understandable, the pain and loneliness at times are very unbearable...
How to move on healthily?

Crossfade Cold

" Got a problem with me?- solve it. Think I'm tripping?- tie my shoes. Can't stand me?-sit back down. Can't face me?-turn around"

Got it from my junior's FB shoutout...

The last post, it let off all the steam inside my heart...
Reading back, it made me sound like a big sour grape, hahaha...
But that is how I felt...
Something I would never admit face to face...
I guess the Nameless internet gave the courage and power for me to express, something I would not do anymore after all the things that have happened...
Besides, it is pointless to do it anyway as it would only matter to her...
And I doubt it matters to her anymore...
Hence, this is the end of this part of my life...
This chapter...
But what I can conclude is...
This scars would remain...
It is something special to me...
She is still special to me...
Which is why, I am Single but Never Available..
Out for dates, not for a relationship...
I seek companionship by getting to know and to enjoy new company, but not beyond that...
I got no heart to offer as my heart have been took away... :)
At least I know, the only pain I can feel is by virtue of our memories together...
You're the only girl on this planet that can make my heart bleed...
You're the only one...
Nothing else matters..
As I am officially afraid of the pain...

10 Things I Hate About You

If hating you is the only way to move on, I'll list them down so that I can look at it everyday to remind myself over and over again...

1. I hate the way you moved on so fast... Our relationship was 17 months or 1 year and a half but it took you just around 1 month and a half for you to move on... You moved on as if those 1 year plus were for nothing, all the traveling I did, hours of traveling just to be by your side... Not eating for 3 days, surviving with the drinks your aunt gave just to have enough money to be with you... You can say I'm an asshole and all the guys after me were great but I feel fucking insignificant with just the knowledge of this, "It's easy for me to move on from you"
2.  I hate the way you took all my trusted friends to side you... Yes, I do have personality problems but it's fucking disappointing when my closest friends refuse to help me out to get you back, saying that they do not see we would ever work out as I am about to go to USA... Fuck all that.. You know I would travel miles just for you, run to be in front of the laptop just for you..... Fuck all that... All your closest friends whom I've seeked help, cowered away afraid of you... What the fuck was that? i was trying to get you back and that was your effort and you have warned them not even to help me out, fuck you... And what? all my closest friends happily go and meet up with you, take pictures with you and hangout with you, fuck off
3. I hate the way you would rub it on me on how happy you are having moved on everytime we chat
4. I hate it when you say "yes, you may need me but do I need you in my life"
5. I hate it when you made me fucking cry like a fucking pussy begging you to come back to me
6. I hate it when you don't even bother giving me a second chance
7. I hate it when last time, you would always wanting to go back early and so on while after we broke up, you woudl even go out and watch a late night movie and so on, you're just full of shit with your words
8. I hate it with you and your fucking insecurities, wtf, you are not dumb, you are beautiful, what the fuck with that insecurity?
9. I hate it when you fed me with all the sweet dreams and hopes causing me to lower down my defenses and expressed almost everything to you but in the end, you used all that against me!!!!!!!! all my deepest and darkest thought, you fucking use it against me
10. i hate it you being a mommy's girl. yes, nuting wrong with being mummy's girl but y da fuck u have to tell ur mommy every fucking thing? the things we argued when u smelled full with pork, when i came to sg earlier than scheduled, every fucking thing.

u noe wat, i havnt fucking move on after all this time...
every single brochure i took in searching the perfect ring to buy for u
every single cinema ticket we have watched
every single receipt on the time we have spent
every fucking things i noe u lik which i want to get
i was deeply in love with u n i still am
i cud never feel love from any1 except my own family
u noe y?
bcos uve took dat part of me when u murdered me with all those harsh words uve uttered when i was busy begging u to come back to me n gimme a 2nd chance
I EVEN VOMITTED BLOOD FOR ONE NIGHT BCOS I WAS KILLED INSIDE ON DAT NITE!
I JUST CUDNT HANDLE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

hey :)
im glad uve moved on from me.
this is just some stupid silly post.
im the guy whom smiled when u were angry with me.
im the guy whom laughed when u shouted at me.
so.
the only thing left to be done is just for me to smile.
im glad uve moved on.
but the truth is.

im never fine.
im never ok.
im never great.

those girls.
their lips r never like yours.
those hugs they gave.
they never as warm as yours.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. :)
few years back, i would have killed myself.
u ought to noe better.
but im not like dat anymore.
the current me.
i'll just smile.
google up for some jokes.
laugh.
laugh.
n laugh.
even tho im crying inside.

i wish u'd believe in 2nd chance.
bcos i wont be dat stupid to blew it 2nd time around.

u noe wat im capable of.
im the guy whom fucked his handphone fund just to get ur birthday gift.
im the guy whom wud bake for u n drove freakingly fast with the fuel almost empty just to surprise u in front of ur house.
im the guy whom wud plan with ur mom to surprise u so dat i can cook for u for ur birthday.
im the guy whom wud just survive with rm5 for a week with just drinking honey lemon drink for u.
im the guy whom wud take a flight earlier just to hide behind the pillar n welcome you back in kk.
im the guy whom wud not be afraid to meet ur brother n drink as much as he wants me to n sing in front of his friends, just for u.
im the guy whom wud skip my classes n travel few hundred miles the next day just bcos u were crying.
im the guy whom wudnt sleep just bcos he is afraid he wud miss the flight to meet u or miss the flight when u arrive.
im the guy whom criticizes every stupid video u gave me to watch but wud watch it eventually.
im the guy whom genuinely love ur grandma's chicken pie even tho no one in ur family likes it.
fuck.
hey.
i would do eniting for u, do u noe dat?



i love u sabrina wong.
i would always do.